Narcissists do a lot of damage. They are self centered, manipulative, lying, damaged people. Their goal is to damage you, too! They are all about trauma and drama! And they play the victim continually. You feel sorry for them and try to help them. Meanwhile, they are causing you damage by lying about you, cheating, and causing drama in your life. They choose people who are empathetic. They have very limited or no empathy.
They are very good actors, and have had a lifetime to perfect their lying and pretending skills. Narcissists can be very convincing when you first meet them, unless you’ve had experience and know what to look for. Although it is common to feel very stupid and ashamed for believing a narcissist and being with them so long, it’s important to remember you didn’t have the skills or knowledge then. Now you do!
The biggest problem with a narcissist, is their incapability to feel love (or empathy). Sure, they say it…. .in fact, they probably say it a lot! They know exactly what to say because they pay attention to what you want to hear. But they don’t say it because they actually feel it. It’s not because they actually feel that for you at all, it’s to manipulate you into staying where they want you. Giving them their narcissistic supply.
A narcissist will pretend to be a good person and listen to you. They are gathering information when they do this. Finding out your weaknesses and finding out who they need to pretend to be. You will fall for the facade. Once they have you…. they stop pretending. You work hard to go back to how it was when you first met, confused and wondering where that wonderful person is. BUT it NEVER goes back. Because it was all an act. You may see glimpses from time-to-time when the narcissist feigns like they are sorry or will change. Again, it is just enough to keep you on their hook.
I remember when my ex and I were first together and he had caused some drama I was crying. (his mask was slipping) He had the oddest reaction I had ever seen on anyone! He was smiling! Like a real happy smile! I was upset and crying, and he was staring at me and smiling. I was shocked and appalled! At first, he would deny it. Later, when I asked over and over, after seeing him do that many times, he finally confessed that he was happy a girl was crying over him. Yes! They are that…………… twisted and sick!
You can’t change them. They will act like you can…. even, ask for your help. But it is all just to keep you stuck. If you ever meet a narcissist… run! You’ll be happy you did.
The most amazing thing is after all that suffering of being in a relationship with a narcissist, is the freedom you feel when you get away from them.
Sometimes people get trauma bonded to a narcissist and feel bad after getting out of the relationship. Give it time to heal! Soon you will see how much happier you are in healthier relationships. How good it feels when love is truly love … and not used as a manipulation.